Last week we had our micro teaching day. Our table groups were sent off to other rooms where we presented a 20/25 minute long lesson to the rest of our group. We were taped and now we are supposed to watch the video and reflect (OMFG - another reflection!!!!) on the experience.
I think that watching the video is one of the hardest things I've done so far since I came back to school. It took me a whole weekend of building up my courage before I could bear to make it play. I've always hated being taped. I'm not sure why, but it triggers an incredible feeling of embarrassment for me. I worry about looking stupid. Or maybe, finding out that I did look stupid. But thanks to an incredible husband, I was able to watch the video feeling loved and safe.
I've also been noticing lately in my classes that the general distribution of shy/outgoing people hasn't really changed since we started. Knowing that each of us has been in a school twice now and in a couple weeks we're going to be full time teaching, I figured that people would be coming out of their shells by this point. But, it seems like that's not the case. The same people are willing to volunteer and the same people do their best not to make eye contact with the person asking for volunteers.
Which brings me back to my own shyness and feelings of embarrassment. I want to kick them to the curb, but I'm starting to wonder if that's possible. Is the best I can hope for some kind of mastery over those feelings so that I can teach?